On My Blogging Nervous Breakdown

When I first started blogging I just did it for me.  I didn't really expect anyone to read it and I treated it more like a diary of sorts.  Not interesting, mostly just rambling.  But a weird thing happened.  People started reading.  Slowly but surely I gained a readership.  Along the way, and I'm not sure exactly when, I started caring about numbers.  And advertising.  And making the little GFC number go up.  I still blogged my own thoughts and opinions and such but I started to think of ways to increase my reader numbers.  I had giveaways.  I advertised on other blogs.  I started offering sponsorships on my own blog.  I took an online class about blogging.  I even kept a little notebook with a schedule and brainstormed ideas for posts.  I took pictures of everything I did as I was doing it so as not to miss a bloggable moment.

When I had Margaux I worked super hard to schedule posts for a month of "maternity" leave.  I took the month off and came back reenergized.  Since I was going to be staying home I put a lot of energy into my blog.  I decided I should make it somewhat a source of income or at least a source of my advertising budget and I spent a lot of time trying to make my blog like other blogs.  I came up with daily features (which also helped me with subjects to write about) and had a weekly schedule.  I focused more on the photography on my blog and spent more time with my DSLR (always a good thing!).  I played with layouts and HTML and buttons and collages.  My posts became less personal except for my weekly feature about Margaux.  

As my first year as a mom went on I found myself with all this creativity floating around in my head and felt full to the brim with ideas.  The blog was doing well in terms of traffic, I was getting more hits than ever before, people were pinning my DIYs and Easy Art projects on Pinterest.  This all just added fuel to the blog fire in my head.  But there was also a small needle in my side that started to poke.  As the year went on and Margaux started to become mobile, and sleep (slightly) better I started to slow down.  My mind was racing a million miles a minute at 4am anymore.  I wasn't getting as many ideas as I was in the first few months.

The more she grew, the less I enjoyed blogging.  I was losing my passion for my features and the type of blogging I was doing.  I started to cut down my sponsor program since I didn't want to write sponsor posts anymore (I don't read them on other people's blogs so I thought other people don't read them either...which may be true).  I became a little bit disenchanted when I saw other blogs get more traffic, have tons of sponsors, or get stuff sent to them for free.  I'll admit, I have gotten things for free as a result of this blog and I even got my first anonymous comment for a post I did for a product.  That was when I started to really question where I was going with the blog.  

I thought about quitting blogging but I felt that was not something I would I soon came to the realization that I wanted this to go back to what it started out as in a way.  Just a place for me to write my thoughts, share my photos, maybe do some Easy Art posts or DIYs but ultimately be true to who I am.  As much as I love you readers, I need to reclaim this as a space for me.  I cut my sponsor program and I'm having the layout redone to tie into my photography business website a little bit better.  I want potential clients to see who I really am, not who I seem to be on the internet.  I debated deleting all my prior posts but I am proud of a lot of my posts, whether or not they reflect the real me.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm starting over.  And I hope you'll join me.  But if this new Pamplemousse1983 isn't your cup of tea I have no hard feelings if you delete me from your reader.  Life is too short to keep up with the Joneses.  Be yourself.  /endlamefeelgoodspeech